Sunday, January 24, 2010

“The bear's melancholy wandering, for example, is underscored in a Polar Eskimo story about a bear who falls in love ith a young married woman. He cautions her never to tell her husband of their meetings because her husband will surely try to kill him. But she takes pity on her husband's failures in hunting bears and tells him where her lover lives. Far away, the bear hears her whispering to her husband in the night, and he leaves his home before the husband arrives. He goes straight to the woman's snow house. He raises his paws to smash it in—and then he lowers his paws to his side. Feeling betrayed, overcome with grief, he sets off on a long and solitary journey.

To the European mind the story is poignant. For the Eskimo it is charged with danger. For the bear to go off preoccupied with such a subject means it will not be paying attention to where it is going, that it may fall through bad ice or miss signs that will lead it to an aglu and sustenance.”

Barry Lopez, Chapter 3, Tornarssuk, p. 114, “Arctic Dreams”

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Quick summery/first draft for a piece called 'Regrets'

In a relationship there is a beginning. It maybe simple and forgettable, but it is there and it doesn't matter. Their hair might have been long, short, or beautiful and in the end that too shall fade. Their face and the way they say hello will be boiled down into a feeling. Which will spread every time you recall the first kiss and the walk through the woods. this feeling will not be the sum of the relationship. It will not be the spark felt when they first made you laugh and it will not be the torn heart you can't get over. This feeling will be the taint of regrets spreading unstoppable.

That time that you made icecream will now only be though of in terms of what you did wrong and what you should have done. Everything will seem clear. You will know that you both made mistakes, but you will only suffer for the mistakes you made.

This burden will build with each new smile from your current love and will bind your tongue. One day someone will come along who decides that they can fix you. They will fail. There will be no moment where the past fades leaving only the present. Their love which will be based on your recovery will collapse leaving only the control freak within. And as they leave seemingly taking all that you had left, you will break.

The burden of your life will drown you. You may commit suicide, but probably not. You care too much about the world. As you sit broken and crying in the bottom of your shower you will be reborn. This will be though a realization that your don't give a fuck and that life is too great to waste.

You will be alone for longer than you previously thought possible.

Those memories of being held and cooking together will be there, but now your life will be focused on the present, this moment. You will see the colors of the trees like never before. And the smell of the earth as you work your garden will almost overwhelm you. It is then that you will walk into their life and they into your's.

Individuals playing the part. You will not do everthing together and more than likely will not truly love eachother for a long time. But it will not be until this point, this moment, that you can truly say you have no regrets.